Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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