She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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