Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
