I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
