i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
