The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
