why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
