I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize