Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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