If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
