Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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