we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
