two words: eviction party
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
