Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
