Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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