How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
