Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
