I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Shame is for Republicans.
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