worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
