Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
