just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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