I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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