I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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