definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
