Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
