I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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