She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
