Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
