Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize