Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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