So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
