That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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