guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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