im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
