I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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