if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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