My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
