your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
