He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
