don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
