I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
