You smell like stripper and shame
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
