I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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