We're like a lot better than the average bears
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
