i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
