I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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