JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
