I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
