we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize