please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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