I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
