i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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