The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
