I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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