he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
