Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
either way he was missing a nipple.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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