areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
