I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
