accomplished twins. life is a go
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
