For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
