first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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