saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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