That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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