I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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