I am spending my child support on dildos
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
