Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
