Where is the hickey?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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