Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
