I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
