I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
