For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
