i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
