Can Purell be used as lube?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
